ugh i am so fucked up from this relationship

i’m being completely serious—i am so screwed up of a person because of how much i’ve put up with and stuck around for for the last seven years. A normal person does not stay in the same screwed up cycle from ages 13 to 20 and delude themselves into thinking a complete asshole is the love of their life when that person has done little but lie to them, emotionally abuse them and take advantage of them.

i have so much baggage from this relationship that I’m honestly terrified i’ll never be able to love another person fully and I know i’m young but a normal person is over something like this by now and is able to slam the door and completely cut the person out of their life.

I don’t know what to do. I honestly think I need therapy because even with all of the healing I’ve tried to do over the years, and as many times as I’ve tried to get over him, I always go back and when he dumps me, I always blame myself and agonize over what I did wrong. But the thing is, okay, I screwed up too but I beat myself up for things that were not my fault, things that I trusted him about but that he proved didn’t mean the same thing to him at all.

ugh I’m just so screwed up and I want a normal relationship and for someone to love me for who I am even though I’m this damaged.